Music and emotion

Music, especially guitar, has always been a big part of my life. Some of my earliest memories are seeing people with guitars on TV when I was maybe 4 years old and just being mesmerized. I wouldn’t get my first real guitar until 10 years later but, from that moment, I was hooked. I played for hours after school every day. Playing guitar and listening to music gave me a way to tap into my emotions. Some emotions I had as a teenager – like anger or sadness – gave way to joy after playing a while. And other emotions that I probably didn’t know that I had and didn’t know how to express surely came through also. Music has a way of speaking to us on an emotional level even if we don’t play an instrument. A sad song on the radio can make you cry. Another song might take you back to a moment in the past.

Sometimes it is hard to put words to what we are feeling. Sometimes we just feel. We don’t have to give every feeling a name. And this is why music, whether we play it or listen to it, can be so therapeutic. Music lets us just feel what it is we have to feel.

Like music, counseling can help us by giving us a sacred place to feel whatever emotions we have to feel. It can allow us to open up to ourselves. Experiencing our emotions in such a way allows us to get more in tune with our mind and body and to truly heal.

Thoughts about beliefs

I have been doing a lot of reflecting recently about beliefs and how they can distort how we see ourselves. We all have beliefs of some sort. “I’m good at my job, but maybe am not good enough to get promoted.” “This is the best I can do.” “I am just _____ kind of person.” You get the idea. Old scripts. Stories we’ve been telling ourselves and letting other people reinforce for who knows how long. And many times we do things to reinforce these stories ourselves. We maybe settle. Settle for a job we don’t entirely like but believe it is “good enough” or it is “safe.” Maybe we settle in other ways, too. The beliefs give us an identity and comfort in some way. But are the beliefs true just because we have had them for so long? It is important to take stock once in a while of what we believe about ourselves and how that is affecting our lives. Maybe an old belief you have about yourself was never true to begin with. What do you believe about yourself?

Why you should see a therapst after a breakup

See a therapist in Denver after a breakup

1. Seeing a therapist can help you process and sort out all of the emotions you are feeling and help you experience your feelings in a safe environment. Breaking up with someone is, at its core, a grieving process. It can feel as bad, and I would argue worse, than having someone close to you die. Having a therapist to guide you through the emotions will help you heal.

2. A breakup can bring up others issues we didn’t know we had. Maybe you have lower self-esteem and the relationship helped hide this. Maybe we have issues with how we relate to others or even past unresolved trauma that made being in a relationship hard. Talking to a therapist will help.

3. Seeing a therapist can help us see ourselves more objectively. After a relationship, self-esteem can take a nose-dive. A therapist can help give you a “reality check” to test and debunk any negative script you may have so you can see yourself as you are and could be.

A breakup is a good time to rediscover you. If any of this resonates, give me a call at 303-335-0785.


Don’t believe everything that you think

One of the most destructive things about a breakup is how it sometimes changes, at least temporarily, how we see ourselves.
We might feel less confident for a long time, not just with dating, but in many areas of our lives. We may begin to believe because this one person did not want to be with us that we are somehow flawed and not valuable as a partner. We may feel less attractive. Even unloveable.

The loss of our partner in a breakup is painful on its own and it is a process to heal from the grief. But when negative beliefs about ourselves are formed or uncovered by a breakup this can compound the process and add to the pain.

Working with a therapist after a breakup means you have an ally who will see the good in you. You will have a safe space to feel your emotions and unpack your thoughts. You also will have someone to question how true the negative beliefs you have about yourself are (hint: they likely aren’t true at all!) and who can help you regain your confidence and begin to see yourself in a new way.

After a breakup, don’t believe everything you think. Especially when you’re thinking negative thoughts about yourself.

Breakup help: what to do after a breakup

How to get over a breakup and to get help after a breakup by Denver Therapists

Maybe in the back of your mind you expected it for a while. Things maybe had changed in your relationship: less time spent together, they spent more time with friends or at work, less sex or no sex, or just a feeling of emotional distance. Or maybe it happened suddenly. They one day just told you it wasn’t working or just blurted it out during a fight. Or they told you they met someone else. Maybe they did it in person but maybe you just got a phone call or a text message from them. However it happened you are likely in a state of disbelief or shock- feeling sad, scared, angry, lonely, or all of the above. So what can you do? How to get over a breakup:

1. Allow yourself to cry

The strong emotions that you are feeling are normal. You will want to cry, to yell, maybe to even scream after a breakup. It is all OK. Give yourself permission to experience your emotions when you need to.

2. Surround yourself with supportive people.

Call your friends, your family, and other people who care about you and let them know you had a breakup and need their support. You need your support network now more than ever. Whoever you have in your life, talk to them and, if you can, spend time with them.

3. Take care of yourself.

After a breakup, self-care is more important than ever. Eat well, get enough sleep, stay away from alcohol, and take the best care of yourself you can. Treat yourself to the things you enjoy. You need your own care right now.

4. Journal

Writing about your feelings can be therepeutic after a breakup. Allow yourself to “free-write”, writing whatever comes to mind. Write a letter to your ex (but don’t send it!) or write a letter to yourself. Express in writing what you are feeling.

5. Practice self-compassion

Going through a breakup can be one of the most painful things we experience. You may be blaming yourself, questioning your own worth, wondering if anyone will ever love you again, or if you will ever be happy again. It is hard to imagine, especially at first, but you will grow from this. You WILL heal. And you will love again. For now, the pain of your breakup needs, as much as anything, your own compassion and kindness.